Back to the plan

    Wow, this whole blogging is a lot more work than I originally thought. I thought it would come more naturally, this whole pouring my mind out into the ether and all that. Nope. Not even close. I have so much I want to just get out but it comes in such short spurts and at such inconvenient times when I get around to writing another post I've forgotten what it was I wanted to write. Well not this time.

   This past weekend was the biggest event I work all year and today it shows. I woke up at noon today  and still feel like death warmed over and know I can't look all that much better. I stayed with my parents from Wednesday through Sunday to minimize travel time and expense and was still so exhausted by the end of each day that even taking a shower was a chore. I thought with so much occupying my time I would be able to track on WW and stay within my daily points range easily. Nope. I don't remember what I ate that could result in a 2.5 lb. weight gain but apparently I ate enough. *sigh* I'm disappointed in myself but I'm back to tracking religiously after only failing to do so for 5 days; It's better than the 3 months it took to get back on track last time!

    A motivation given recently by Mom and Kayla was they noticed the weight I've lost so far (about 15 lbs.) seems to have come from my belly (yes!!) and my jeans are fitting better in the waist area. I need to keep thinking how that praise made me feel instead of constantly wondering if I'll just be fat for the rest of my life, which is only depressing. On the plus side Shane has Tai Chi tonight and while he's in class I've started going to the gym I'm paying for every month. Not a bad idea huh? When I get there around 7pm most of the ladies are almost done or leaving and by the time I'm done I'm the only one in the gym, its like my own private gym, otherwise perfect for someone super self-conscious like me.

  Here's to another of my many new beginnings, may this one last longer than the previous one!

 

Tired of being tired.

I'm tired of being tired.

      I know, how cliche! But in all seriousness if I have to buy a larger size jeans next time I go shopping I might just die. I caught myself thinking last night at the theater that "God I would be sooo much more comfortable in my stretchy pants". After reviewing that thought upon completion I just about had a heart attackThis has GOT to STOP! Stretchy pants?!!! In PUBLIC?! GAH! This coming from the girl who might be fat but doesn't own sweatpants because they're the gateway clothes to "more fat".

       So I'm starting WW again after using the online version to lose about 25 lbs then gaining it all back. The last month of the previous spring semester I told myself I was too stressed with classes ending to be worrying about what I ate, then that just sort of kept going through the summer. I thought if I just didn't look at the scale and didn't think about it maybe it would all just work itself out. Unfortunately that "working its self out" worked its way to gaining about 30 lbs.
          Now I'm back to where I started +2 lbs and wish I hadn't been so keen on giving myself an excuse to quit and ignoring it long enough to really see all my hard work go to nothing on the scale.

       This is me about 40ish lbs lighter than I am today with no make up straight from a work out. I've never had a 'goal me' picture but I really like this one. Yeah, that was about 4 yrs ago, but its a start.

I know its cliche but I'm starting to really see that you won't be your happiest in life if you let yourself settle for less. I don't give up easily, a side effect of a stubborn personality I guess. It might be hard but I'll get this eventually and it will so be worth it.

Turkey Meatloaf (nom nom nom)

3 lbs ground turkey 
1 1/2 cups chopped yellow onions
1 tbs good olive oil
1 1/2 tsp kosher salt
1/2 tsp fresh ground black pepper
3/4 tsp fresh thyme leaves (1/2 tsp dried)
1/2 cup worcestershire sauce
2/3 cup chicken stock
1 tsp tomato paste
1 c plain dry bread crumbs
2 eggs, beaten
ketchup for topping

Directions


Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.


In a medium saute pan, over medium-low heat, cook the onions, olive oil, salt, pepper, and thyme until the onions are translucent, but not browned. About 10 min. Mix the worcestershire sauce, chicken stock, and tomato paste in a separate bowl then add to the saute pan. Mix well and allow to cool to room temp.  


Combine the ground turkey, bread crumbs, eggs, and onion mixture in a large bowl. Mix well and place even amounts into either mini muffin pans or regular muffin pans (Meat does NOT rise so put enough mixture in to make a good sized muffin, I pretty much fill mine up with a mound on top). Squeeze the ketchup evenly on top. Bake until the internal temperature is 160 degrees F or approximately 30 min for the mini and 45-60 min for the regular muffins. Serve hot, at room temperature, or cold in a sandwich. 


Makes: 12 regular muffins + 24 mini muffins 
(two pans in any combination)


Great sides:
Yukon Gold Mashed Potatoes or Russet Baked Potato
Steamed Sugar Snap Peas (microwave bag is a sure quicky)

Workouts make me want to throw up.

   So here I am, doing the cliche thing of starting a blog and making a New Years resolution at the beginning of January. It kinda feels icky. I'm sure thats partially due to the fact I've been playing DDR for the past hour and have sweated more than I do even during sex. That's kinda sad. I used to have the opinion people only allowed themselves to re-gain lost weight because they stopped weighing themselves, that was a stupid thought if I've ever had one. I have steadily watched myself gain 25 lbs over the last two months and haven't done a thing about it until now.

   My legs feel wobbly and when I look at the ceiling things start to move. It feels like there's acid in my throat and coughing only makes it worse. Know this feeling? It means I'm not only fat but seriously out of shape in the cardio department. Well I'm working on it at least. My birthday is in one week and I plan on having lost almost 5 lbs by then. I figure at this weight it really shouldn't be too hard.

   I've already tracked my Raisin, Date, and Walnut Oatmeal I had this morning along with a cup of tea. Since I've already promised DBF and family my wonderful turkey meatloaf tonight I've decided to just have a Healthy Choice standby for lunch. It's the best option for now since my kitchen is filled with yummy non-heathly stuff at the moment stocked during my month long food binge.

   It's a start.

Yummy Meatloaf Recipe Next (maybe I'll get all fancy and include a picture!)